Hello and welcome back to another Weird and Wonderful World, my all time favourite article of the week! We’ve got indecent gnomes, a hungry python and of course, an even hungrier bear. My favourite! Read on for this week’s most weird and sometimes wonderful news!
1. Demonic Goat
This week, on a farm in the San Luis province in central Argentina, a goat was born that shocked even its owner, Gladys Oveido. The poor kid was born with a face so frightening, locals called the police in fear that it was a sign of the devil.
This baby goat was no more a sign of the devil as a cross turned upside down. Sadly, the kid was stillborn and although Gladys says the rest of the goat was perfectly normal looking, it was obviously too deformed to survive.
It’s a sad story and it’s a shame this little innocent creature was born this way but at least it doesn’t have to suffer like a circus freak, though not before Gladys’ daughter-in-law took a photo and shared it online. This is how the strange looking goat reached my attention.
As I said, it is a shame because I think it’s kind of cute and looks a bit like Falkor, the dog in the Neverending Story.
2. Mooning Gnomes
There are Mooning Gnomes causing a lot of controversy in the village of Wistaton, near Nantwich, Cheshire. 77-year-old Laurence Perry has been ordered by the council to remove the gnomes from his own front garden as they ‘distract drivers’. This is all supposedly under the ‘health and safety rules’. My arse. Or the gnomes. Either way, this is ridiculous.
Mr Perry erected them to cheer up his neighbourhood after they were given to him by his daughter on Father’s Day earlier this year. Now, he is being threatened with a fine; the council even said if the gnomes weren’t gone in seven days, they would send workmen out to remove them. God, if only councils could be more like that with pipe leaks and pot holes. But apparently, ceramic gnomes with their bums out are far more important.
Mr Perry said he and a few others have self-funded their work in turning their village into a bright and cheerful place over the years after being ‘turned down for funding by the parish council’ – and yet they have the money to spend on sending out workmen to remove two gnomes?
He and his friends wanted to make their village a more attractive place, he says “I’ve worked with others for four years to turn a piece of land which had been left overgrown, covered in broken bottles and bricks, into a more attractive area,” and “We even bought a sign that says ‘Wonderful Wistaton’ – now I feel like replacing it with one that says ‘Miserable Wistaton”. I quite agree, Mr Perry. And what did the council have to say for themselves?
“While we do not wish to spoil people’s fun, there is a safety issue here as such objects could easily cause a distraction to motorists leading to an accident,” – “We received a complaint about these ornaments which, while seemingly harmless, are designed to attract attention and light up at night,” – “Therefore, we have to take steps to have them removed in the interests of road safety and the safety of pedestrians.”
What a joke. You keep those mooning gnomes, Mr Perry, you absolutely babe.
3. The Pooh Ban
If you live in China, you will struggle to even find a photo of ‘Little Bear Winnie’ – his Chinese name – as the Chinese government have banned all imagery and mention of him. While no reason has been given for this random and ridiculous ban, many have said that it is because of the regular comparison between the chubby honey loving bear and their President, XI Jinping. Back in 2013, a similar ban was enforced after a photo of XI Jinping and then President Barrack Obama was compared to Winnie the Pooh and Tigger.
I personally don’t see it myself and even if I did, I certainly wouldn’t be able to condone banning AA Milne’s lovable yellow bear. Craziness.
This autumn China will see elections for the most senior positions in China’s ruling Communist Party and Politburo, its main policy-making committee.
4. The Green Puppy
Meet Forest. Named rightly because of the green shade of his fur. Green?? I hear you ask. Yes. Green. That shock is similar to Forest’s owner’s surprise when the little pup was born this week.
Louise Sutherland, from Golspie in the Scottish Highlands, was gobsmacked as her three-year-old Golden Retriever, Rio, gave birth to a litter of nine and one came out green. I think we’re all asking the same question. One, is Rio related to Clifford’s mum and dad, and two, will Forest become 50 ft tall?
In actual fact, Forest is not a cousin of Clifford. His green coat is caused by a rare occurrence which is thought to have only happened three times in the past, in the entire world. It happens because of a bile pigment called biliverdin found in the placenta of dogs. The substance can stain the dog’s fur when mixed with the mother’s amniotic fluid while in the womb.
During the birth of Forest, Louise became panicked as he got stuck and had to be pulled to safety. “It was all hands on deck but then as the puppies started to arrive, we noticed that one of the puppies had green fur. We couldn’t believe it”. No, I bet.
After a bit of researching, Louise and her family were reassured that Rio hadn’t just given birth to a mutant dog that could be a member of the X-Men and even discovered that the colour will fade over time. Nonetheless, Forest will carry his green name for the rest of his life after a weird and wonderful birth. Awwww.
5. The Cash Machine Prisoner
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_iZAWL4sE4
So something hilarious happened in Texas this week. A maintenance worker, sent out to an ATM machine to replace a lock, got stuck inside. How? Well, the door to the ATM maintenance room locked behind him and without his phone – which he had cleverly left in his truck – the guy got stuck.
With no way of contacting anyone or calling for help, the man decided that the only way to get anyone’s attention would be to slip notes through the receipt slot to ATM users.
Most people thought it was a joke and the poor guy was stuck in there for a couple of hours just praying someone would take his pleas seriously. Fortunately, for this idiot, someone did and called the police. However, when the police arrived, they too thought it was a joke until they heard a voice inside the machine calling for help.
Senior Officer Richard Olden told KZTV “we have a once in a lifetime situation that you’ll probably never see or hear about again.” Amused, the police kicked in the door and rescued the poor, stupid maintenance worker. He had been stuck in there for two hours. What a fool. Great news though.
Video sourced from youtube.com
6. Erotic Wizardry
There surely isn’t a person alive today who hasn’t read or at least seen the Harry Potter series. The Philosopher’s Stone was published in 1997 and since then, the world of wizards and Hogwarts has been a huge part of our lives. But apparently, there are still people, twenty years later, that have no idea what it’s all about.
Chris Chappell (who has lived under a rock for 20 years apparently), a journalist, finally decided it was about time he read the books after seeing someone watching the first film during a flight. He found a good deal online for the series and started reading them. All was well until he reached the Order of the Phoenix and Dudley died. Wait – what?? Upset and confused, Chris decided to message his colleague to clear a few things up in the Potter universe, only to find out that he hadn’t been reading JK Rowling’s Order of the Phoenix at all, but an erotic fan fiction of the book. It was also revealed to him just how far from the books this story was. Poor Chris. Luckily for us, his friend Shelley posted the entire conversation online. Here are a couple of snippets for your entertainment.
As you can see, Chris was certainly not reading the real Order of the Phoenix and was beginning to understand why he had felt so uncomfortable; from Ginny and Draco getting it on, to Ron being shunned by Harry and Hermione (who were also having sex) to Snape and Lily’s historic sex stories and Harry’s pet snake, Sandy, this was a very different book indeed. Now Chris has bought the real ones and can rest assured that there will be no sexual, perverted antics in JK Rowling’s version.
7. Juvenile Car Thieves
In Red House, West Virginia this week a crime took place. A car was stolen, driven three miles before being crashed into a ditch. The culprits? Two brothers aged two and five.
Wanting to see their granddad, the two boys stole their mother’s car and helped each other steer the eight mile trip to their granddad’s house. Unfortunately, they didn’t make it far.
After successfully navigating several corners and even a right-hand turn, the boys crashed five miles short of their destination. Luckily, neither of the boys were hurt and a neighbour shortly found them after the crash. I don’t know whether to be impressed by this or shocked that their mother didn’t notice the absence of not only her children but her car?
Plus, it took the police an hour to find their mother after the crash. She claims she thought her children were playing in the front yard. Child Protective Services is working with the police to determine whether charges are warranted.
Still, those kids deserve a small round of applause for getting that far. And all because they wanted to see their granddad.
8. The Chocolate Catastrophe
Drivers on the A2 in Kent today had to suffer long delays. And why? A lorry burst into flames carrying very precious cargo. Chocolatey cargo. Twenty-five tonnes of Lion chocolate bars to be exact.
The road, which is the key route from the port of Dover, had three of its four lanes closed for hours as the lorry’s fire was put out and the chocolate was cleaned up. Though no one was injured, 25 tonnes of chocolate had melted onto the road. I would just like to state here and now that I would’ve gladly put my licking and chocolate eating skills to good use today.
Despite the long delays, most people were more upset about the loss of chocolate. One Twitter user said “As far as I can see, everyone (myself included) is mourning the loss of the truck’s cargo of Lion bars!” and another “Damn. Lion Bars are hard to find at the best of times. I wonder whether they need help with the cleanup…” Preach, friend. Preach.
The mess was cleaned up and the road reopened this afternoon. But what about the chocolate? This year just keeps getting worse and worse.
9. A Beary Raid
A bear has been caught on video breaking into a home in Colorado. He then proceeded to eat their food and raid the house for six hours. Chris O’Dubhraic, who slept upstairs unaware to the furry food raid below, was shocked to find that the bear had devoured strawberries, cherries, blueberries and organic apple oatmeal. Sounds like a rather healthy bear to me.
Or maybe not as officials say that this was the same bear which had snatched ice cream and M&Ms from a home back in June. Not only did the bear eat most of Mr O’Dubhraic’s fruit, he also ripped off the pantry doors, threw food – he didn’t want – onto the floor and wrecked the kitchen’s trash compactor. From the video, you can see that this isn’t the bear’s first home raid as he clearly knows where the fridge is and how to open it.
Sadly, a wildlife officer shot the hungry bear dead after it left the property on Tuesday night and then charged back towards the house. Mr O’Dubhraic says “I got in the kitchen, I heard some rustling and some noise, and a shiver went up my spine. It was just the shudders.”
The bear is thought to also be the same culprit that trapped a woman inside her vehicle a few days before whilst it prowled around her garage. Clearly looking for food. Bill Vogrin, public information officer for Parks and Wildlife told the Colorado Springs Gazette that the bear was so fat from eating human food that “it couldn’t even climb a tree…so it made a bed under a tree.” Sounds like this bear needed Weight Watchers. However, instead, they shot it dead.
Vogrin went onto say “This was a smart bear, a dangerous bear, so it was only a matter of time before someone got hurt.” I’m very upset to hear that they couldn’t relocate this chubby bear to somewhere away from people and they thought that the only way to solve the matter was to shoot him.
Very upset. That poor, poor chubby bear. I wonder if he was a relative of Yogi Bear…or maybe even the famous bear himself. Moved on from picnic basket stealing crime to home invasion…
Video sourced from – youtube.com
10. Trainy McTrainface
In Sweden, it seems as if the people have taken a leaf out of our book and have voted to name one of four new trains to run between Stockholm and Gothenburg Trainy McTrainface.
It’s been a year since the people of this great nation voted to name a polar research vessel Boaty McBoatface, only to be overruled by dull idiots; the boat was eventually boringly named RRS Sir David Attenborough (Sorry David!). However, the Swedes were not going to let it happen to them or their trains.
It was a choice between Miriam, Poseidon and Hakan and rightfully, they selected a more original name. Trainy received 49% of the votes in a public poll run by the Swedish rail company MTR Express and the Swedish newspaper Metro. Well done! Thank you, Sweden for not being boring arseholes. Trainy McTrainface will soon be carrying very happy and amused passengers.
MTR Express has even mentioned the UK’s disappointment, saying that they hoped old Trainy would make up for the upset felt not just in the UK but all around the world last year when Boaty McBoatface was ruled out. They also hope that Trainy will be received with joy but everyone. Too right it will. Congrats to Trainy. Maybe the dull idiots that overruled Boaty will rethink their decision. I can only hope.
Bonus: Water Returning to a Dry Riverbed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xlnn3JabzQQ
A dried up riverbed in North Yorkshire has just returned to life. The video was recorded by 25-year-old county council worker, Thomas Beresford who spent an hour waiting to capture this beautiful moment. The video has gone viral with people saying how soothing and satisfying it is to watch. That’s nature people. It’s perfect.
Video sourced from – youtube.com