She should have known Freya Davis would rear her ugly head today.
“Ugh, what do you want?” Emily groaned, tapping her short nails on her empty tray positioned on the railings of the counter.
“How pleasant you’ve become,” Freya snorted. “See you’re already starting to fail.”
Emily rolled her eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“Just now? In Statistics? The big fat head of yours off dreaming of your ‘roid boyfriend and not paying attention. Only a matter of time, Emilia,” Freya sneered. Behind her in the queue, Libby Cole and Erin Reid were in their usual positions; cowering behind Freya and not saying a word. How Emily had ever counted any of them as friends was a mystery to her then.
She glanced across to the pillars of the queue and between them to the canteen. She heard Bender before she even spotted him. There they all were, clustered around a table, crammed together like sardines, laughing, chatting and eating their lunch. Her friends. It brought a swell of bravery to her chest as she turned back to the counter and started to collect her lunch – and Will’s.
Freya watched every single one of her moves. Emily did her best to ignore her. In fact, for the past month and a half since that incident in the practice room in the PAM block, she had seen only the back of Freya’s head and not heard a peep from her. Why she had decided to attack today? Could it have been Mr Bellamy’s frustration with her? Or perhaps Freya had heard Damien’s comment? Whatever it was, Freya looked hungry for more than her cheese sandwich and Emily wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. No matter how cruel she was likely to become.
“Given up on the diet then?” Freya snubbed.
“It’s Will’s – not that I have to explain myself to you.”
“Got you getting his lunch for him. Like a good little girlfriend. Well, not little.”
A Fifth Year behind her sniggered at this. Emily’s back tensed as she reached into the fridge for her apple juice and Will’s sports drink.
“Do you think that by being with a guy who isn’t fat it’ll make you less fat by association?”
Emily said nothing.
“You’ll always be a fat cow.”
Emily gulped, tears stinging her eyes. Even now, Freya held the power to devastate her.
She noticed then as other people in the queue glanced her way, muttering, whispering, sniggering. That old panic set in, that fear – the one that had stopped her from eating in the canteen in all her previous years; kept her hidden in her dorm, eating alone. She had sworn to leave that girl behind, but it was all she had done to survive. The version of her that had protected her from this type of bullying. She was screaming at Emily to leave; to drop that tray and get out of there as fast as possible. As the heat rose up her neck an across her face, as Freya positively exploded with satisfaction at Emily’s discomfort, she gripped the tray tightly as the memories flashed past her brain and she was left burned.
How does she do this?
How does she have this power?
And why do I always let her?
“Stop,” Emily said weakly. They were holding up the queue. They had an audience now. Everyone stopped to watch as Freya destroyed her. It was like daytime television.
“No longer the smartest girl in school – but you’ll always be the fattest,” Freya sneered, pumping her finger into Emily’s stomach, again and again, prodding her as though she were a piece of meat and not a person. A human being. A girl – real, whole and with feelings. Bu Freya didn’t care. She never cared. She was hateful, she was rotten and she was jealous.
Emily understood that now. Something she had never been able to comprehend before but now she knew. Staring into Freya’s face so full of contempt, not a real friend in sight, nothing but her studies and her own pompous ego to keep her company, Emily saw it all for what it was.
“I feel sorry for you,” Emily hiccupped, silencing Freya’s next words and the sniggers.
“Excuse me?” Freya stuttered.
“I said – I feel sorry for you. You’re a vindictive bitch.”
A round of jeers and cheers erupted around them and this time, it was Freya in the firing point. And Emily wasn’t stopping.
“You’re a horrid person, Freya and I’m sorry that my presence so offends you – no, wait, I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry for anything. You have issues –.”
“At least I’m not fat,” she spat but this time, no one laughed.
No one did anything at all as Emily swallowed the hurt, the sting those words still managed to inflict, and bit back the tears to say, “I may be fat, Freya – but I’d rather be that than the ugly, heartless, jealous, friendless, pathetic ball of hatred that you are. I am the smartest girl of this school and the only stupid thing I’ve ever done is think you were my friend.”
Freya said nothing. Face of thunder, fists at her sides and her mouth gaping, there really was nothing to say as Emily lifted her tray from the railing and marched around her. By now, the queue behind her had disappeared and she could walk straight to the till with her tray of food. She swiped her card in the silence of the canteen and dared that walk out there to all those eyes. But this time, unlike all the other times, she wasn’t alone.
Her eyes found Erika. She was grinning brilliantly back at her.
“Emily Fox,” she mouthed and proceeded to applaud her as Emily approached. She and the rest of Emily’s dear friends, Sam and Bender even standing to whistle and cheer as though she were a triumphant athlete at the end of a match. Once at the table, she dared a glance back. Freya was nowhere to be seen and the canteen had returned to normal. It was as if nothing had happened at all.
Erika shuffled up the bench seat to make room for Emily and her tray. She settled quickly, though her heart continued to beat violently in her chest. Erika’s hand rested on the middle of her back.
“You did it, Fox,” she winked.
“It didn’t feel good,” Emily admitted. “Making someone feel as small as I’ve been made to feel.”
Erika nodded knowingly. “And that’s what makes you a good person.”
Emily didn’t feel particularly good. But she did feel powerful; in control and strong. As though nothing could hurt her. Freya had tried to hurt her. Emily hadn’t let her.
No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them.
For years, Freya had abused Emily’s kindness, her consent, and made her life a living hell. Never mind anyone else at this school, Freya had been her real bully; day in, day out, to make her feel as small as an ant. Today, Emily had made it known. She would no longer give Freya permission to hurt her. And she felt mighty. For consent was everything.
Hillside Academy Copyright © 2024 Jodie May Mullen