I have no doubt that many people will disagree with me on the subject of cyclists but like my English teacher once told me, argue both sides so for this week’s Grumble I will try my best to see both sides – whilst still having a good ol’ grumble!
Let me begin. Cyclists are the bane of my life. Maybe it’s because I’m a driver now but I remember despising them before; from nearly being knocked over by them in Cambridge and to the frighteningly revealing lycra they seem to sport. Is it necessary? Almost certainly not. And don’t play the ‘slipstream’ bullshit with me. We all know they like to wear it for one reason and one reason only.
To keep it short, before I go off on a furious tangent and quickly arrive at why I loathed the Olympics in 2012, let’s get straight to the point of why I hate them so much.
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They like to overtake each other when there are cars passing.
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They will ride side by side without any consideration for vehicles.
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They do not keep over (fuck off potholes, don’t cycle on the road if you can’t handle it!)
And lastly, if you have ever driven in London, Cambridge or any other cities that condone this kind of two-wheel behaviour you will understand that their attitude is despicable; from riding wearing headphones, eating a sandwich (yes, I’ve seen this), talking on their mobiles – we aren’t allowed to drive and use our mobiles so neither should they – and of course, the majority do not look where they’re going or indicate.
If a car crashes into them whilst they’re doing any of the reasons above it will still be our fault.
Now, to keep this Grumble balanced I will say that cycling is an excellent form of exercise (something I don’t really care for), it’s an awesome way to get around (off road and on cycle paths), especially if you’re trying to get to work, plus it’s fun to do at the weekend. I have no problem with the simple A to B cyclists on the road who follow the rules like the rest of us or the family riding along the canal on the cycle path. But what I have a problem with is the cycle races that cause roads to be blocked and can even obstruct emergency service vehicles. What I also have a problem with is the way they think they own the road.
What a dick.
Each and every single person who drives on Britain’s roads (legally) must have learnt for 8 or so months, taken both theory and practical tests, paid their road tax and insurance to be able to do so. Cyclists? They hop on their two wheel peddle bikes, yank on their lycra which is so tight they won’t be able to conceive children and off they go, causing havoc everywhere they go. And you know what really ‘grinds my gears’ is when they don’t even wear a fucking helmet! I mean, come on! How much more stupid can you get?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12Jiw3oIrYw
If this doesn’t prove my point I don’t know what will.
So what is the conclusion to this Grumble? Well, I think if you’re going to ride a peddle bike on the road, you should pass a test like everyone else who uses the roads. You should pay road tax too – at least then the potholes might get filled in. And of course, as it is for car drivers, cyclists should not be able to ride two abreast, they must wear a helmet and they must not use their fucking mobiles or wear headphones – how can they hear me behind them if they’re just bopping along to Flo Rida?!? If a car driver was caught on their mobile, it would be license and papers, please. But no one pulls over a cyclist.
Oh yeah, and a few of them don’t even stop at zebra crossing or red lights. Douche.
You could say in an argument that if cyclists had to pay road tax to use the roads then no one would cycle. Well you know what, I don’t care. If you want to use the road, pass a fucking test like the rest of us.