A Very HSA Christmas: Ugly Jumpers

Written as part of a Christmas Instagram challenge for the twelve days of Christmas, this very HSA Christmas is a unique series set in no particular time within the series; written simply for some festive cheer.


“That is, by far, the ugliest thing I have ever seen,” Elivia grimaced.

“What? Angie knitted it for me,” Tom said, closing his bedroom door and looking down at the jumper he’d chosen to wear. They needed layers if they were going to survive a Christmas at Clearwater Lodge without any heating. The AGA and the two fires only did so much. His room was like an ice box. So much so, he was considering sleeping on the sofa.

“It’s awful!” Elivia exclaimed, flicking the red nose of the reindeer. Though she couldn’t restrain a giggle when it began to flash, the jingle of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town playing from somewhere within the jumper. “Wow, it even lights up and sings.”

“Mal did that.” Tom grinned proudly, though his face fell as Elivia gave him another grimace. “I can’t believe you don’t like it.”

“It’s hideous. I think your nan needs new glasses.”

“Mean,” Tom tutted. “If I’d known you would hate it so much –.” With an even larger grin, he opened his bedroom door and reached in, keeping his focus on Elivia’s face becoming increasingly anxious. “– I wouldn’t have told her to –.” He whipped out the item in his grasp and held it up to Elivia who’d gone a shocking pale. “– make you one!”

He peered around the white overgrown jumper to see Elivia’s expression hadn’t changed. He stifled his hysterical laughter and viewed the jumper Angie had made especially for his best friend. Instead of a reindeer, Angie had given Elivia a snowman, complete with a scarf that dangled down the front, bobbles of snow balls dotted across the chest and, when the scarf was tugged, the jingle of Baby its Cold Outside played. It was truly hideous and he knew he would have to get Elivia drunk to wear it but, and much to his surprise, she took the jumper from his grasp with a small smile.

“In fact, she made one for each of us,” Tom said, reaching back into his room for the large present bag he’d been given before he left home earlier that morning. He still couldn’t believe it taken all day to drive to Devon from Wales. What should have been a three hour trip had become a ten hour one, steadily steering his car along roads thick with snow. He was glad to have made it alive and in one piece, even if Anna’s house was freezing. Once all the rest of their friends had arrived, they wouldn’t care. And once they were all wearing their ugly jumpers, they would be warm straight through to New Year’s Eve.

“Oh, Ange,” Elivia giggled quietly, holding the jumper to her chest. Setting aside her own present bag which she planned to place under the tree downstairs, she pulled the jumper on over her head. She looked to Tom sniggering to himself. She pulled on the scarf, Baby its Cold Outside echoing up the empty upstairs hallway of Clearwater Lodge. Tom’s sniggers became hoots of laughter as Elivia stayed straight-faced, unable to believe she was wearing this over the top of this season’s Ralph Lauren. “I need gin.”

“And I need a 6ft 4 dark haired guy with a six pack and a ten inch cock,” Tom said, wrapping an arm around her small shoulders now clad in his nan’s homemade jumper. “Fortunately, we have at least have gin.”

Hmm, yeah, sorry. I don’t think that will fit under the tree,” Elivia giggled as they headed down the stairs, following the smell of ham and the sound of Anna and Sam bickering in the kitchen.

“It would under mine.” Tom winked.

“What does that even mean?” Elivia spluttered a bashful laugh.

“I don’t know, darling. I do not know.”

Proudly, the two entered the kitchen to find Sam and Anna in much the same position they’d been in when the two had taken their suitcases upstairs to their rooms half an hour ago; arguing loudly. Except now, Sam’s face was covered in icing sugar and Anna’s hair was dishevelled.

“What the fuck is going on in here?” Tom said, dumping the bag of jumpers down on the kitchen island counter.

Sam and Anna paused fighting long enough to notice the two in their jumpers.

“What do you look like?” Sam snorted.

“Speak for yourself,” Tom said, nodding to Sam’s face still covered in white sugary powder.

“Tom has one for each of us,” Elivia said, reaching into the bag and finding the one labelled for Anna. “Here you go.” She passed her the bright red jumper; the front adorned with Santa and his white beard which dangled down to the hem.

“You couldn’t pay me to wear that,” Anna said, stirring something on one of the hot plates of the AGA.

“No?” Sam said. Snatching the jumper out of Elivia’s grasp, he tugged Anna away from the AGA and attempted to pull the jumper down over her head.

What ensued was plenty of yelling and laughter as Sam and Tom chased Anna around the kitchen, finally cornering her by the back door where they pulled the sweatshirt down over her head.

Reluctantly, she popped her arms through the sleeves; backside to the flagstone floor, back to the door and a defeated expression on her face as Sam and Tom howled with laughter and Elivia wiped the joyful tears from her eyes. Tears which would only fall faster once Anna tugged the beard and the Santa Baby jingle filled the kitchen.

“I’ll give you all food poisoning for this,” Anna muttered.

A very HSA Christmas Copyright © 2020 Jodie May Mullen

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