Set February 2010, one year and seven months before the start of the main series of Hillside Academy.
“Happy birthday, babe!”
Will turned on his heel and smiled at the sight of his girlfriend bouncing towards him, cupcake in her hands.
“Thanks,” he said, kissing her shyly.
“Make a wish,” Sarah said, lighting the candle and holding the cupcake steady.
“Hmm, I wish –.”
“No! You can’t tell me.
“Alright,” he chuckled. Closing his eyes, he blew out the candle.
He was glad he didn’t have to say his wish aloud for it made him guilty just thinking about it. Eyes opening, his focus danced away from Sarah and across the hall to where Emily Fox was weaving her way through the crowds of Fourth Years in the hallway that morning; head down, dark eyes hidden behind her thick-rimmed glasses. He gulped and made himself look away.
It was never going to happen. Asides from the fact she was far too busy being the top student in their year, Emily Fox would never fancy a guy like him.
Tall and gangly with too longer limbs, he looked almost comical. Will wondered if he would ever grow into the man his coach, Gary, promised he would. The muscles in his arms were growing stronger each day but his legs and torso remained unchanged. He would have to work harder if he was ever going to be HSA’s champion boxer; already his dream at aged fifteen, which he had just turned today.
No, Emily Fox wouldn’t ever look at him the way he wanted. She was out of his league and didn’t even look his way that morning as she passed by to go to her locker. Will swallowed nervously again.
Oh god…
“What did you wish for?” Sarah grinned cheekily, her heart-shaped face beaming back at him, bringing him out of his thoughts.
“You said I couldn’t tell you,” Will replied.
“Well okay. Can I tell you what I wished for?” Sarah leant in close, the cupcake almost squashing between them.
Will couldn’t deny how awkward he felt standing in the busy hallway as Sarah’s hand traced down his chest over his school shirt to his belt buckle.
“Erm –.”
“That tonight will be the night,” she breathed, running her tongue along her bottom lip. She looked to the cupcake and with her forefinger, she swiped off some of the vanilla icing and popped it into her mouth, sucking indulgently.
Will blushed a dark shade of red. “Sarah,” he chuckled bashfully, glancing around them to see if anyone had noticed.
Only his friends, who were wiggling their eyebrows suggestively in his direction. Sam was even thrusting his hips in a humping motion. Will resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He may be a teenage boy but he wasn’t like the others. It sometimes made him feel like the odd one out. Sex and girls were all his friends talked about. If Will had a penny for every time Sam said ‘tits’ in a day, he would be rich.
“What?” she giggled playfully, “We’ve been dating two months. Don’t you think it’s about time we, er, you know?” Hands still on his belt buckle, she gave him a tug towards her.
“Sarah,” he said again, firmer this time as he held her back from him.
“Don’t you fancy me?” she frowned, suddenly looking self-conscious.
Will forced a smile and nodded. “Of course I do. You’re gorgeous,” he sighed, admiring his girlfriend.
Sarah Hardcastle had some of the biggest breasts in their year and they were currently bulging through her white blouse that morning; her pink bra visible beneath. In her school clothes of a royal blue blazer and a tartan blue skirt, which she rolled up to reveal slim curvaceous legs, Sarah was striking; hair the colour of honey and eyes a unique shade of blue, like the Aegean. They liked the same music and she put up with his choice in movies. They laughed at the same jokes and shared a couple of classes. As girlfriends go, Sarah was perfect.
But she wasn’t Emily.
“Then why don’t you want to have sex with me?” Sarah said in a hushed voice so Will could barely hear her.
“I do,” he insisted, conscious of Emily opposite him in the hallway, twisting the combination of her locker.
His anxiety was rising in his chest. Maybe he shouldn’t have. No! He’d wanted to. It was her birthday too. Everyone deserved a card on their birthday. Though he should have perhaps signed it…
No, that would’ve been too obvious. Then she’d know who it was from.
Da-Doh!
Yes but then she’d know.
Know what? That you were wishing her a happy birthday. Such a muffin.
Dick.
Will took a deep breath and glanced over his shoulder as Sarah prattled on about how long they’d been together, how Hayley had lost hers last month to Kaleb Attwood and how it was about time they did too or they would be the last ones. Except Will didn’t care. He didn’t care that he was a virgin or that all his mates weren’t. All he cared about was Emily opening her locker and finding that birthday card.
As he watched, Emily rummaged inside her locker for her books, head and eyes low; always low. Emily carried herself in a hunch, trying to make herself as small and as invisible to the world as possible. But Will saw her. He saw her every day and each time, his heart refused to keep still. Each time, it felt as if it was going to climb up his throat and scream out her name.
Emily!
But he would never be brave enough and instead of building up the strength to do the right thing – ask her out or at least talk to her – he would rather use any remaining energy to quash his feelings, tame his heart and turn back to face Sarah, who hadn’t noticed he wasn’t listening.
“Can you get the condoms?” Sarah asked.
“Erm, I guess. Where?” Will frowned.
It was then he realised he’d never even considered buying condoms. He couldn’t imagine himself in a shop at the shelf browsing the selection. Last time he looked, there had been a plethora of types; ribbed ones, ultra-thin, ultra-thick, dotted, latex, non-latex, lubricated condoms, ones to designed to speed her up, ones designed to slow him down…mint flavoured, strawberry flavoured, banana flavoured, chocolate flavoured, extra-large, extra small – hopefully not – and a variety of which Will didn’t even understand yet. Yet being the important word for he hadn’t even had sex. Sarah had been talking about having sex for the past month. She was eager to lose her virginity, especially now her best friend, Hayley had. But Will? He wasn’t sure. Was it odd he didn’t want to? Did that make him weird?
It wasn’t that Sarah was ugly. She was beautiful. He should be thrilled. He would be losing his virginity to one of the fittest girls in their year; maybe even their school. But when he was in the shower, it wasn’t Sarah he imagined. It was Emily.
Sweet, Emily Fox with her bow-shaped upper lip and flushed cheeks whenever it was cold outside. It was Emily Fox he pictured in her school uniform, not Sarah Hardcastle. Call him insane, he preferred the quiet girl with chestnut hair who hid behind her reading glasses to the stunning blonde that was his girlfriend, but he couldn’t help it. Ever since he’d met Emily when he arrived in Second Year, his mind had been consumed. So what was holding him back?
He certainly didn’t care what his friends thought. They didn’t get it. They didn’t see what he saw in Emily. They didn’t know her the way he did. She listened; really heard him when he spoke, or rather when he found the courage to talk to her.
Rejection. That was what Will was terrified of. Petrified he would summon the bravery to talk to her, ask her out and she would deny him. After all, he was just an athlete who happened to be pretty good at maths and science. Compared to the other guys in their upper Maths set, he was a dunce. Why would Emily waste her time on him?
On that note, his ears pricked up at the sound of her voice, so alien in this hallway of chatter. She rarely spoke, at least in public. Alone, whispering in the library across books, Emily could talk…oh boy, could she talk. Will was enthralled every time she opened her mouth. Intelligence; true intellect like Emily’s, was unique. But out in the open, here in that hallway with plenty of idiots to judge her, she would never have spoken out loud. She wouldn’t dare in the fear somebody would judge her. At HSA, there were plenty of people around to do just that.
No, this was his fault. The reason why people’s conversations were dying and heads were turning to where Emily was holding a card in her hands and her supposed friend, a mean girl called Freya Davis, was mocking her loudly.
“Who would send you a card?” Freya scoffed, snatching the card out of her clutch.
Meanwhile, Emily’s eyes stayed on the ground; on the heavy black pair of shoes she’d been wearing since Will had arrived at Hillside Academy.
“No one signed it?” Freya sniffed and with a sneer, pushed it back into Emily’s hands.
Whether Freya was aware that she’d caused a scene was a wonder to Will; she always appeared to be picking on Emily. Why didn’t she fight back? Emily was a million times the person Freya Davis was.
As he watched, viewing the flicker of anger cross Emily’s wet eyes, he willed her to fight back. Willed himself to walk over there – to do something! Don’t let her be humiliated this way!
Anything! Do anything!
“You probably sent it to yourself. You’re such a sad fat freak, Emilia,” Freya laughed maliciously, slamming closed their lockers. “Come on, we’ll be late.”
At that, Freya marched off down the hall, leaving Emily alone and grasping her card as people snickered and muttered cruel words beneath their breath; staring at her as she stuffed her books in her bag and trudged away, having to ask people to let her past.
Will knew it was now or never. He couldn’t let her leave without telling her the truth. He had sent the card.
I did it.
I sent you the card.
Because I like you.
I’ve always liked you.
Ever since I met you, it’s been you, Emily.
And just as his body was flooded with an overwhelming amount of courage, just as he’d been about to pace over to her and tell her everything, Sarah grabbed his hand.
“Walk me to my next class?” Sarah’s eyes twinkled up at him.
Will’s mouth fell open, unable to reply. He glanced back to where Emily was dropping the card into a bin and wiping furiously at her eyes as the laughter rippled across the crowd of Fourth Years. He felt positively sick. He had made her cry when he’d only wanted to make her smile. He was too weak; too weak to stand up and admit the truth. And now, he’d hurt the one person at Hillside Academy he cared about.
Will was a bad person.
He would never be able to tell Emily Fox the truth. She would never see him for any more than the gangly boy who sat beside her in Maths class four times a week. He would always be Will Bennet: athlete, boxer and the tallest boy in their year. She would always be Emily Fox: the most beautiful girl in the universe. His impossible dream. So why wait around?
He lost his virginity that night on his fifteenth birthday to Sarah Hardcastle. Why not? He and Emily – it was never going to happen.
Stop dreaming, Will.
Dreams never come true.
Hillside Academy Copyright © 2019 Jodie May Mullen